Remote central locking

Dear Old Frank, it's almost impossible to engineer out human stupidity and when you mix it with old age, it becomes your worst nightmare. I've just recently started the "did I lock it" routine, only to go and open it then close it! I 've even locked myself out of the house 5 times this year, so i now have keys with the neighbours, fortunately it only happens when I'm distracted in thought with something else but I suspect it will creep on into all aspects as I get older still, it's not just the grey hair that is continuing to go so are the grey cells. But seriously, anything placed in the back pocket is subject to great pressure when sitting down, so you could of easily bent or broken the key fob, so if your no longer going to use the keys, hang them up somewhere safe and write down where you put them just in case you forget.

All the best from Old Dave s

I had the key in my side pocket with nothing else. If this system really is progress then we shouldn't need to take precautions against such obvious faults. Its range is over 50 feet in line of sight, which is a ludicrous distance. The designers must still be wet behind the ears.

[I once locked myself out of a Maxi. The mechanic, who took 20 minutes to get in, said that it was far harder than any modern car.]

Dave, are you old enough to remember ITMA? There was a character called Mona Lott who always finished by saying: "It's being so cheerful as keeps me goin'." Well, I reckon a good moan is like an enema, but not as unpleasant - it clears the sytem for happy thoughts and deeds.

Snag about "a young person" - my young relatives live far away in that foreign country called "Ingerland".

I remember NW Scotland as the place where it rains sideways. A 3ft high rock kept me perfectly dry.

I did a week's course in Salford one July in the 1980s and it rained every day with a thunderstorm on Wed. Is there a thunderstorm every Wed.? I think you should move the Pennines further east, then it would rain more on Doncaster.

I'd not heard of enemas for fun - some strange people about.

About borrowing a Beastie - it seems as if every adult is a pervert unless proved otherwise. I've been tying to get on an 'A' level course only running in schools, but "illegal to admit over 19s". What happened to "Community Schools"? That's another reason for a good moan. Where's the next one?

Thanks for the laugh, Dave - that's created a wonderful image. Actually, I do get younger as the day progresses. I'm 93 first thing, but by lunch-time I'm only 60 - then by tea-time I'm my real age of 69.

Do you still do 2-wheels?