Credit Crunch Jokes

Q.What have an Icelandic bank and an Icelandic streaker got in common? A. They both have frozen assests.

Q.What is the difference between a merchant bank and Katie Price? A. They are both institutions whose reputations is built on assets that, on closer inspection, turn out to be completely artificial, vastly over-inflated and in danger of going through the floor at any moment.

You know it is a credit crunch when… The cash point asks if you can spare any change… Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than Sterling… Highgrove has been repossessed… Victoria Beckham is snapped in Primark, Alistair Darling’s eyebrows have turned white .

I talked to my bank manager and he said he was going to concentrate on big issues from now on. I bought one from him outside Boots!.

Q.Why have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning? A. Because otherwise they would have nothing to do

Q. What's the capital of Iceland? A: About £3.50

Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A: The pizza can feed a family of four.

The sexual position called the '69' is now known as the '96' due to inflation .

Q. What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A. Good start .

It's worse than a divorce. I've lost half of my net worth and I still have a wife .

Why didn't the little boy get any pocket money? 'Cos his mum's gone to Iceland.

Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - Goodbye!.

Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin with the following, 'The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China . If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India . If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala . If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany . If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part .'

Q.What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon? A pigeon can leave a deposit on a Ferrari.

I've had terrible problems during the credit crunch but I'm back on my feet now - they've repossessed the car .

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.